Weigh in day

Well today was my official weigh in day .. and DOWN 10 POUNDS !!!!!!!! WOW .. i am so excited , it is amazing. I have had a few rough days this week. We went to a scocer tournament and i had my first eating out expierence and NO BAD FOOD .. Things are going so much better. Last night we played tennis and went for a huge walk , i wanted to give up 1/4 of the length we went but my husband kept me going . he is amazing i love him so much . I am sca red as i am going into 2nd weigh in week . but i can do this .. more to come !

Day 3 .. and what a day it was !

Day 3 .. and what a day it was. Today was a very rough day, eating wise I did fairly well. I was not as hungry as I was in day 2. Saying that , I was not as hungry however I did want to eat. Where I work there is always the smell of food, people eating different things throughout the day that I want to eat. Today was a stressful day so I wanted to eat more. Ever since I can remember I used food for comfort . The more upset/stressed I was the more I would eat, ever since I can remember, hence my current situation. Last night i had a mini meltdown, so many things were going through my head i felt sick to my stomache and had the worset headache. It is like I am addicted to food, I want to loose weight more than anything and i realized that I have to depend on myself to do that ME .. I have let myself down so many times, especially in this situation, yet i have to depend on me to do what i want the most in life at this point . That scares the S&^T out of me ! Not knowing how to deal with this caused my melt down, my husband was minding his own business doing this and I freaked out on him. Really I wanted him to ask what was wrong and just hug me but how was he supposed to know that I attacked him ( verbally ) . I had so many emotions fears , thoughts that I just exploded. I want to make myself proud more than anything, but i have to depend on me .. I also need to change a habit that i have had for 20 years ( ish) eating for comfort. What do i do now when i am stressed, happy etc etc ... I need to learn how to deal with these feelings. I am sure that it is not going to be an easy road but I will look back on this someday and hopefully realize how much i have overcome and be proud of myself:) Day 4 to follow ....

Day 2

Day 2 .. I am STARVING today... Right now its about 30 minutes before lunch and I am so hungry I feel like I am going to puke, I had breakfast and a snack, just checked my sugar and it is 7..( I forgot to mention in the last post that I am diabetic, althought I had neglected to control it in the past I am working on it now) . I keep telling myself the feeling will pass, it will be fine .. easier said than done. UGH .. I can do this.

Last time my husband and I played tennis. First time ever and I loved it. We were not very good, but running around the court chasing the ball made me feel great! After 1 jogged a few laps around the court , walking before i was finished as i could not go on.

This morning I woke up at 6am in hopes to work out, when my feet hit the floor they were KILLING ME . I could hardly walk, I was so sore, the bottom of my feet it felt like i could not stand on them. Makes me realize that my body can not handle all this weight. I want to be able to do all of this and more.

Someday... that is my goal .. I WILL do this.

Day 1 .. Again

Well today is the day, Day 1. I have seen this day so many times it is almost depressing. Wanting to lose weight and trying for so long but then never following through or always " falling off the wagon " and never getting back on.. This time it IS going to be different. I can not live like this anymore. I feel uncomfortable in my own body. I have come to the point where some days I do not want to leave the house because of the way I look, I am ashamed of the way I look. I do not want to look at myself in the mirror.

These last few weeks have been really rough for me, watching the biggest loser finale last week really hit home, seeing a finalist that was my weight looking great made me think I want that to be me.. All i have been doing up to this point is wishing it would happen, like it is going to happen overnight when I wake up one morning. Not going to happen, but I realized that all of this weight (378lbs) did not come on me overnight although it seams like it did.

I want more than anything to be able to buy a new outfit based on if I like it or not just because it is the only thing that fits. I want my husband to look at me and tell me that I am beautiful, and to see in his eyes that he means it. I want to feel comfortable going to my children's events and not feeling comfortable around all of the " pretty " moms. I want to be able to go somewhere and not have to worry about not fitting, no matter if it a weight restriction on a chair etc.

My goal is to be healthy, to play with my kids .. to influence them to be healthy, and live a healthy lifestyle. Currently my oldest son is overweight.. I would like for him to be healthy as well. I want our family to do things together such as bikeride, hikes, tennis and physical outdoor activities. I want to be able to go for a run with my husband .. for fun ..

My yearly goal is to be able to run a 10k next summer (2011) and this time I am not going to let myself down. I will do this. I WILL . For myself , and for my family .