Day 1 .. Again

Well today is the day, Day 1. I have seen this day so many times it is almost depressing. Wanting to lose weight and trying for so long but then never following through or always " falling off the wagon " and never getting back on.. This time it IS going to be different. I can not live like this anymore. I feel uncomfortable in my own body. I have come to the point where some days I do not want to leave the house because of the way I look, I am ashamed of the way I look. I do not want to look at myself in the mirror.

These last few weeks have been really rough for me, watching the biggest loser finale last week really hit home, seeing a finalist that was my weight looking great made me think I want that to be me.. All i have been doing up to this point is wishing it would happen, like it is going to happen overnight when I wake up one morning. Not going to happen, but I realized that all of this weight (378lbs) did not come on me overnight although it seams like it did.

I want more than anything to be able to buy a new outfit based on if I like it or not just because it is the only thing that fits. I want my husband to look at me and tell me that I am beautiful, and to see in his eyes that he means it. I want to feel comfortable going to my children's events and not feeling comfortable around all of the " pretty " moms. I want to be able to go somewhere and not have to worry about not fitting, no matter if it a weight restriction on a chair etc.

My goal is to be healthy, to play with my kids .. to influence them to be healthy, and live a healthy lifestyle. Currently my oldest son is overweight.. I would like for him to be healthy as well. I want our family to do things together such as bikeride, hikes, tennis and physical outdoor activities. I want to be able to go for a run with my husband .. for fun ..

My yearly goal is to be able to run a 10k next summer (2011) and this time I am not going to let myself down. I will do this. I WILL . For myself , and for my family .